so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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