he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
