do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
