and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Randomize
