saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
