Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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