I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Who did Billy Mays play for?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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