Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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