I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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