And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
