I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
