i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
