The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
