I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
