literally had 100 drinks last night.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
