You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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