I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
