So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
