it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
