I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!