i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
These 21 Women Share What Sexual Harassment In The Military Is Really Like
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom