thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
