well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.