i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
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Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.