just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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