Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked