My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
