i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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