I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
