the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
