The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
