Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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