I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
