well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
