So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
