i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
