is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
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