He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
