just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Actions speak louder than pants.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
