i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
There r osticjed everywhere
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
