So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Still dying that you shit outside
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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