Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize