somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
