I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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