So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Randomize
