do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."