his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
