She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
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Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
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Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
This is my gift to your gina
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?