Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(+41): View more from Switzerland

I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples

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(+41): I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples http://tfl.nu/80un

Replies (16) Good night (1188) Bad night (5211)
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(941): View more from Florida

sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate

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(941): sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate http://tfl.nu/n9pe

Replies (8) Good night (3982) Bad night (1475)
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(443): View more from Maryland

we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.

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(443): we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it. http://tfl.nu/i4yi

Replies (13) Good night (4131) Bad night (810)
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(850): View more from Florida

I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.

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(850): I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever. http://tfl.nu/5f06

Replies (4) Good night (913) Bad night (1878)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.

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(203): He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted. http://tfl.nu/pbp0

Replies (10) Good night (2314) Bad night (685)
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(651): View more from Minnesota

I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20

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(651): I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20 http://tfl.nu/s3lf

Replies (3) Good night (2185) Bad night (950)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.

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(203): She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE. http://tfl.nu/wm9f

Replies (25) Good night (4218) Bad night (1300)
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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement

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(717): He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement http://tfl.nu/fn4j

Replies (5) Good night (496) Bad night (1323)
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(845): View more from New York

lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you

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(845): lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you http://tfl.nu/altf

Replies (5) Good night (2036) Bad night (861)
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(540): View more from Virginia

Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.

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(540): Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents. http://tfl.nu/vksy

Replies (11) Good night (553) Bad night (960)
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(415): View more from California

So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.

(415): View more from California

She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.

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(415): So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers. (415): She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better. http://tfl.nu/azok

Replies (2) Good night (727) Bad night (425)
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(703): View more from Virginia

My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???

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(703): My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT??? http://tfl.nu/9h42

Replies (3) Good night (973) Bad night (382)
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(559): View more from California

Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.

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(559): Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle. http://tfl.nu/b5en

Replies (1) Good night (641) Bad night (351)
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(801): View more from Utah

I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...

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(801): I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird... http://tfl.nu/2iq6

Replies (2) Good night (751) Bad night (314)
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(903): View more from Texas

Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.

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(903): Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs. http://tfl.nu/gs7u

Replies (2) Good night (775) Bad night (413)

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