meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
