she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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