it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
We need to get me chipped asap
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
