I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
