oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Randomize
