She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
