god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
