I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize