Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
