Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
