There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
