so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize