I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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