I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
