Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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