I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
