First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
