JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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