Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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