How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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