He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
What a fucking waste of an outfit
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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