I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
