it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
