highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
