i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
