careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
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Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
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Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
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