Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
