1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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