Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
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so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
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I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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