The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
