okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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