Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
