There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
