The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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