I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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