Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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